Speak n Spell

We’re lying in bed at 6:30 in the morning, pretending to still be asleep, when Zip prods our listless bodies commanding... "Det up, det up!” But then, he has a sudden revelation, and excitedly whispers “Oh, tutor!” hoists himself out of bed and goes tumbling into the other room. Oh tutor indeed. 

A child’s laptop has made it’s way down the hand me down chain and into our house. The box claims it’s educational, but all we’ve encountered so far is a frenetic robot who barks orders at our children “Enter the game code! What?! I can’t hear you!!! I’m still waiting.”  The boys bang furiously away on the keyboard doink, doink, doink, tiny brows furrowed, muttering the occasional expletive  “Oh!  Err!  Ha!”

“I.AM.GO.ING.TO.TEACH.YOU.YOUR.A.D.D.'S” My husband drones.

We let the kids play with it, as much to keep them off our own keyboard, and Tizzy proudly carries it around by it’s handle, periodically stopping to admire his grown up self in the mirror. 

When I hear it, I have flashbacks of Easter ’79, gliding down the highway in the back-seat of a Lincoln Continental with my mother’s boyfriend, appropriately looking like Jesus, his large frame sporting a caftan and huaraches, long golden curls cascading down his back, full 70’s beard framing his face. His minister father’s at the wheel, with his plump, cotton haired wife knitting at his side. 

I am deeply engrossed in my own laptop of it’s time, the Speak n Spell. 

“Spell Pee-ah-nis!” it orders. Shocked and titillated, not quite believing what I’m hearing, I continue to press repeat. “Pee-ah-nis, Pee-ah-nis, Pee-ah-nis!!!” echoes the mechanical voice reverberating through the quiet car. The car begins to excelorate, the sound of knitting needles click ever more furiously, and I continue to hit repeat, completely oblivious to the uncomfortable silence growing around me.Ultimately, mom’s boyfriend grasps my elbow and hisses into my ear “It’s pianist! A professional piano player! Now move on to the next word!”

I’m not sure how much the Speak n Spell actually taught me to spell. 

This current computer does nothing but drive us all crazy. I put it in the garage the other day, and you know what? So far it's gone un-missed.