You know the friendships you make when your kids are babies, but you only see each other for birthday parties because you no longer live near one another, or your kids go to different schools, or you attended a music class together that you only enrolled in once?
The friends who you keep inviting to birthday parties because you like them, and then they invite you, because they like you, and every year you promise to be better about keeping in touch, and then another year rolls by, and you still only see each other at birthday parties.
When your kids are little it doesn’t matter. They all just parallel play any way, and it’s really for the grown ups to get together, snack and drink beer on a Sunday while they watch the babies all roll around on the lawn.
But, then the kids get big.
“Who’s Jimmy?” Tizzy asks, when I tell him we’re going to Jimmy’s birthday party on Saturday morning.
You guys played together when you were babies. You’ll recognize him when you see him.
When we get to Jimmy’s party, Jimmy’s playing with all his school buddies. They form a cloud around him as they travel around the yard. Neither of my boys are formerly introduced, but they make themselves at home picking cherries, playing with the remote control trucks and teasing the dog.
Later, when we talk about what a great party it was, Tizzy looks up at me again, and says, “So, who’s Jimmy?” He still doesn’t know.
After whacking his piñata, Jimmy removed the blindfold from his face, and standing right in front of him, were Zip and Tizzy. For a moment, he had a look on his face that screamed, “Who the hell are these two kids, and what are they doing at my party?!” But, then, he shrugged and handed Zip the bat.
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14 comments:
ooops!
i totally get it.
Yup. We have family friends that have a boy who is three years older then Jake. When it's just the two of them they play fine. But I sense the separation when more of Andrew's friends are around.
My youngest had a great buddy during the two years he was in preschool. It was random playdates and birthday party invites, and the mom and I tried to find common things to talk about when the boys scattered all over the park and played. The other day I pondered outloud about my son's friend, who we've not seen for a year, since his last birthday party, and my son piped up from the backseat, "Who? I don't know who you're talking about!"
So, yeah, I completely get it!
We are starting that phase now. Jake is so worried about whether he has forgotten about someone, because he "would be sad if someone forgot (him)".
I'm working on a way to explain to him that sometimes people grow apart and can get back together and still like each other but I'm having a hard time saying that sometimes one person remembers the other a little bit more and that doesn't mean that the person who doesn't remember so much is bad.
Momming is hard.
Yep. I'm hitting this with my kids as well. Often the connection is with women who had overlapping pregnancies or couples I knew when my ex and I were a part of a marriage ministry group (yes, I know that's dripping with irony).
I remember those awkward get-togethers when I was a kid, too. I was told to play in a room with a bunch of kids I had no connection with other than the fact our parents played cards together once a month. Weird.
I suppose it primes them. After all, how many times as adults we're faced with having to be social with people we don't partiuclarly know well, let alone like?
It's so funny...there's this in between age, when kids start having friends of their own. It get that.
YES! There's a transition afoot. And the transition wears big shoes!
Kids are funny. I do the "do I know you?" thing with other mothers all the time since we see each other at all of these different activities that we use to fill our days...
SOOOO get this! (and embarrassingly, it happens with relatives, too....)
That is so on the button.
OMG! That was hilarious!! Who the hell are these two kids and what are they doing at my party, indeed!!?
Thanks for the laugh!
MommyWizdom
Me too. I have had 'mom friends' that I love, but we didn't choose the same preschool and we just never see each other. It's hard and this is a whole new layer that I hadn't even thought about, when the kids get old enough that they are not interested in playing with 'mom's friend's kids' any more!
This is a touching post. It's more than just about kids, it's about us all. Thanks for making me think about my relationships and how to keep them more alive.
love, vivi
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